Tables, Art, and a Lack of Commitment

In Commitment

You know, I really am horrible with commitment. Not always, mind you, and not for everything. But there are some things that I just suck at. Like this blog, for instance! How horrible is it that I haven't updated this since... a month ago? I don't know anymore. It's kind of sad.

But it's always kind of been like that for me. It's not so much that I start things that I never finish. I mean, I always finish what I start. But often times I leave things alone for a while. You know, forget about them then come back. I go through phases. I'm not entirely sure why.

I guess that's just who I am.

In Art

I've been working rather hard on my art recently. I mean, not that it's improved in quality much. It's still about the same. But, still, I've been working on it. You know my 2010 by 2010 project? [If not, check the link at the end of this section.] Well, I'm behind on it, and that makes me want to work on my art more.

The thing is, though, that I can't seem to do art quickly. I worry too much about small details. It's kind of frustrating, but kind of worth it. I don't mind pumping out art of decent quality, except that I'm behind on my deadlines...

And to add to that, I have an inability to save my work! Every time I finish a piece, my computer crashes or something of that general nature, and I loose all my work. Why? Because I can't seem to save! The last piece I did, I spent five hours on, and then my computer crashed. I haven't even had the time to make it again! It's upsetting, and you'd think that would be enough to get me to start saving. But it isn't, and I still loose hours and hours of work a week.

AND THAT'S WHY A FRIEND GAVE ME JASC! It's a program that happens to auto-save every two minutes. It's not the way I should be solving my problem, but it works.

Check out my latest works and my 2010 by 2010 Project here: Teh-Yuki-chan at deviantART

In Tables

I'm on spring break at the moment, and so I decided to go up to my friend's dorm and spend the week with her at college. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, it was all going great until we decided to order something to eat, since the dining hall doesn't open until tomorrow. So I went to grab the menu for this really cheap Chinese place. Of course, I wasn't paying much attention when I came back, and I leaned against a little table and.... BANG!! It fell apart. I even hit my arm on the desk behind it. I think it's bruising...

My friend laughed at me for the longest time... D=

What I learned Today

So this past week, I had a lot of trouble in school. Not only was I tired the entire week, but I had a test every single day. I wasn't too worried to start out with. I mean, I know all of the things I'm learning in school. But by Friday I was sick of tests, and I know it impacted how well I did. I mean, I can only handle so much at a time. I can't do a test well when I've only had an hour of real sleep in an entire week, but after getting an hour of sleep for eight tests in a row... Ugh...

I know it isn't my teachers' faults, but I can't help but to be annoyed with them. I mean, I swear they all got together and figured out how many tests they could give me in a week. But it frustrates me a bit. I do try to keep surpassing my limits, to push myself farther, but...

In this last week, I don't think I've learned too much. No, I was too tired to encode enough information to learn amazing things. But I did learn something specifically about myself, and that is just as valuable.

I have my limits, and no matter how much I hate to, there are times when I need to be content with them.

Learning Life Through Neopets

In School

I hate English class. It's not that I don't understand the concepts - except for what part of speech an infinitive is, I very much understand English, and I don't think knowing the part of speech of an infinitive is very important to life.

No, you see, I have problems with the teachers. I am a good writer. I'm not saying I'm the best - I know there are things I can work on, things I can fix - but I am a good writer. But my writing is never good enough for English teachers, because I don't write what they want. I'm not saying I don't follow their directions when I'm given an assignment. I'm actually very good at tailoring a piece of work to an assignment. But the problem is that writing is subjective.

This wouldn't be such a big deal, except that I am not willing to change my writing to make a teacher happy. I always write something a teacher isn't happy with, and I'm graded down for that. It's always something stupid, like, my teacher not liking the way I describe myself, or the way I word a sentence, or the topic I pick (even though I always make sure the topic is okay with the prompt), or my view on a subject.

I just don't think it's fair that a teacher in English always manages to grade me down on the subjective parts of my writings. Isn't that illegal or something?

In Television

Television bores me. There's so rarely something interesting. It amazes me. There are so many shows on, and so few manage to catch my attention. I mean, now and then I'll watch an okay movie on Chiller, or SciFi, or History channel. But for the most part there isn't much. Good thing there's always Logo...

And Showtime! I just saw a commercial that said the Tudors was coming again soon! I've been waiting for the return of this! BE OVERJOYED!!! O.o

In Thought

I wonder why people are so afraid of homosexuality. I don't understand what is so... bad. I mean, what is so horrible about it? People are people, they love who they love...

What I learned Today

When I was a kid, I was way into the whole online-game-forum thing. I was one of the early member of Gaia Online (I'm an oldbie...), and, the one that has stuck the least - Neopets. So, recently I got back on Neopets, and, being the oldbie I am, I went straight for my favourite old game - Jelly Blobs of Doom.

In Jelly Blobs of Doom, you are a tiny little... jelly neopet, and you have to consume the jelly blobs that are smaller than you, and not get eaten by the larger jelly blobs. But the floor is slippery, and if you're not careful you'll accidentally slip into a blob. Sometimes you underestimate the size of the blob you go for, and sometimes you don't see a big one when you go for a little one, and you get eaten. But sometimes you do so well, you're overjoyed.

It reminds me of life. Life, the game of dodge the blobs. Collect the good experiences, avoid the bad. Sometimes you feel like you've lost control, and sometimes that messes you up. But you always get back on your feet again, and try again. And sometimes, you do great, and nothing goes wrong...

To think, I'd compare life to a... a neopets, game.

Life is found in the strangest of places.

A Good Day to Start

What better a day to start out on this blog than on on which I have learned something.

In Art

Today's news in the Art field is that yesterday (or this morning, I'm not sure which...) I finished a beautiful piece of art that I spent all weekend on. Here, have a looksie: Fallen Embers.

I also started work on a very emotional piece named She's Alone, and I'm Alone, after Ben Folds Five's "Brick". Unfortunately, I somehow crashed the program, and I hadn't saved... in four hours of work... I guess I'll just have to start all over again... :: sigh ::

In Thought

Sometimes, I wonder how people can have so much emotion, and yet I never see it. There are so many people that I see every day that just seem fake. They're like dolls: not real, no thought, no ability to feel on any level above simple happy or simple sad.

Am I missing something? Perhaps I just cannot see it. I like to think that maybe I'm just not looking hard enough. Something about the idea of most people not really feeling... well, frightens me...

What I learned today.

Today, I slept in. Until four in the afternoon. I missed school, and my mother doesn't like that. She feels the need to treat me like I'm a child, to reprimand me as if I'm not aware of what I've done. I know I missed school, and I am personally not too happy about that. I suppose that isn't good enough for her, though.

You see, I believe my mother is a fan of operant conditioning. She takes my actions, ignores the natural consequences of them, and applies her own consequences to try and shape my behavior. The problem is, I don't acknowledge her consequences. The consequences that come naturally are good enough for me, and I block out whatever else people try to apply to me.

For example, since I didn't go to school today, seeing as I slept in, I feel bad for not being there. Not only did I miss being able to gain more knowledge, I left a friend without part of our project. That makes me scold myself. I feel bad already; I don't need my mother to give me the whole "you're stupid, your excuses aren't good enough for me, you should have gone to school" speech.

So today, I guess I realized that it doesn't so much matter what other people give me, so far as consequences go. I don't care if it's not good enough for someone else, only if it's good enough for me.

My only judge is myself.